A MESSAGE ON FATHERHOOD BY BARRACK OBAMA

BY BARACK OBAMA

I grew up without a father around. I have certain memories of him taking me to my first jazz concert and giving me my first basketball as a Christmas present. But he left when I was two years old.

And even though my sister and I were lucky enough to be raised by a wonderful mother and caring grandparents, I always felt his absence and wondered what it would have been like if he had been a greater presence in my life. I still do. It is perhaps for this reason that fatherhood is so important to me, and why I've tried so hard to be there for my own children.

That's not to say I've always been a perfect dad. I haven't. When Malia and Sasha were younger, work kept me away from home more than it should have. At times, the burden of raising our two daughters has fallen too heavily on Michelle. During the campaign, not a day went by that I didn't wish I could spend more time with the family I love more than anything else in the world.

But through my own experiences, and my continued efforts to be a better father, I have learned something over the years about what children need most from their parents.

They need our time, measured not only in the number of hours we spend with them each day, but what we do with those hours. I've learned that children don't just need us physically present, but emotionally available – willing to listen and pay attention and participate in their daily lives. Children need structure, which includes learning the values of self-discipline and responsibility.

Malia and Sasha may live in the White House, but Michelle and I still make sure they do their chores, make their beds, finish their schoolwork and take care of the dog. And above all I've learned that children need our unconditional love-when they succeed and when they make mistakes; when life is easy and life is hard.

Without a doubt, it is easier to raise children in this kind of caring, attentive atmosphere when both parents are present. Of course, there are plenty of single parents who do a heroic job of raising their kids. I know this because I was fortunate enough to have one-a mother who never allowed my father's absence to be an excuse for slacking off or not doing my best. But more and more kids are growing up today without their dads. And those young folks are more likely to struggle in school, try drugs, get into trouble and even wind up in jail.

Help Kids Reach Their Potential
There are too many young people out there who aren't reaching their potential because they don't have a father figure to guide them. And yet, the truth is, it's harder to be a father today, even for those dads who are present in their children's lives.

We are still feeling the aftershocks of a recession that took an especially difficult toll on men. And if you're struggling to pay the bills, a focus on simply getting by can understandably take precedence over everything else.

We can all do right by our kids.

I have worked hard to get dads help in simple but meaningful ways-by supporting community programs that work with troubled fathers; getting businesses to offer things like discounted movie or sports tickets for fathers to spend more time with their kids; and by making sure dads in the military can keep in contact with their children from overseas.

And every father can encourage his child to turn off the video games and pick up a book; to study hard and stay in school. Every father can pack a healthy lunch for his son, or go outside and play ball with his daughter.

No matter how difficult life gets, we can show our kids through our own example the value in treating each other as we wish to be treated. These things we can all do. Our kids understand that life won't always be perfect, that times get tough and that even great parents don't get everything right. More than anything, they just want us to be there-to be present, to care about their lives.

Coaching Moments
This year, in addition to being President, I took on a second job. I was an assistant coach for Sasha's basketball team. Every Sunday we would bring Sasha and her teammates together for clinics and drills. It was a lot of fun.

There were even a couple of times when I'd fill in for the regular coaches at the games. I'll admit that this was a little nerve-racking, and I'm sure this was true for Sasha as well, who may have winced when her dad would voice his displeasure with a particular call made by the referee. But I was so proud, watching her run up and down the court, seeing her learn and improve and gain confidence. And I was hopeful that in the years to come, she would look back on experiences like these as the ones that helped define her as a person – and as a parent herself.

In the end that's what being a parent is all about: those precious moments, the times we spend with our children that fill us with pride and excitement for their future; the chances we have to set an example or offer a piece of advice or just be there to show that we love them. And that's a lesson worth remembering not just on Father's Day, but every other day too.

(This essay was first published on people.com)

HEROES

The other day I was sharing with Tj about the history of our country. I told him about colonialism and the Mau Mau rebellion. About the great men and women who not only desired freedom from colonial rule but were willing to fight for it, whatever the cost. He was so fascinated. As I shared with him about some of our country’s forgotten heroes, it hit me just how important it is to have a hero. People we can look up to and gain perspective from. I kept asking myself, yes there were all those names to be found in our history books, but were there any great men and women left from whom we could borrow a leaf or two? Is the era of great men and women, all leaders by their own rights, over?
Later on, I was watching a documentary about Mother Teresa, a catholic nun who made a huge difference among the Indian poor. She was nothing to write home about if one looked at her stature, short and bent; but in terms of passion she was a force to reckon with. She had passion for God and for the poor and suffering, and her compassion moved her to make a difference. One of her statements has become a mantra for me, “our contributions are but a drop in the ocean and yet without them, that drop will be forever missing”. She did not allow herself to be overwhelmed by the need to the point of desperation, rather she plod on, irrespective of the humongous need. She knew she could not make a difference to everyone, but she could make a difference to someone, and that was enough for her.
It made me think of my own life. It can be intimidating; I am just one person in a small time city in the third world. It sounds incredulous to imagine that I can make a difference. And yet if I do nothing about the things I am passionate about, then my contribution will forever be missing, for all eternity. I kept asking myself what am I so passionate about that I could give my whole existence for it. God and family, in that order. I realized that I could make a difference, maybe not globally, maybe not regionally, maybe not even in Kenya, but I could make a difference in my sphere. In heralding the need to make family a priority amongst those in my environs using whatever means available to me. I could speak, I could model, I could write.
I realized that my focus was askew; there were heroes all over if I could only open my eyes. Some of them graced the pages of history books but others plodded on everyday unaware of the great difference their everyday choices made to those who took time to observe them. Men and women who chose to work and provide for their children despite the harsh economic conditions. Men and women who chose to remain faithful and monogamous despite the myriad pressure to let go of the “shackles” and be happy. Men and women who chose to invest in their homes despite the sacrifice. Men and women who chose to be voices of reason and restraint in a world of decadence and moral decay. Unsung heroes, of whom books may never be written or songs composed but whose posterity would tell the difference.
It gave me hope to realize that I did not need to relay on the history pages to point out heroes for my children or better still to help them become heroes. I just needed to believe and to open my eyes to see the extraordinary within the ordinary.